Beyond the Mozart Effect

Found this very funny post on Teachers.net (click here to see the actual post and comments, and click here to see what the good folks at Violinist.com had to say about it.) Kudos to Donna music/TN for thinking of this. Enjoy!

Posted by Donna music/TN on 6/02/05

Thought Ya’ll would like this

You’ve heard of the Mozart Effect, i.e., listening to Mozart increases one’s spatial IQ.
BUT, have you heard of the …

LISZT EFFECT: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

BRUCKNER EFFECT: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation
for profundity.

WAGNER EFFECT: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

MAHLER EFFECT: Child continually screams – at great length and volume – that he’s dying.

SCHOENBERG EFFECT: Child never repeats a word until he’s used all the other words in his vocabulary.
Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their
inability to understand him.

BABBITT EFFECT: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child
doesn’t care because all his playmates think he’s cool.

IVES EFFECT: the child develops a remarkable ability to carry on several separate conversations at once.

GLASS EFFECT: the child tends to repeat himself over and over and over and over and over and over and
over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

STRAVINSKY EFFECT: the child is prone to savage, guttural and profane outbursts that often lead to
fighting and pandemonium in the preschool.

BRAHMS EFFECT: the child is able to speak beautifully as long as his sentences contain a multiple of three
words (3, 6, 9, 12, etc). However, his sentences containing 4 or 8 words are strangely uninspired.

AND THEN OF COURSE, THE CAGE EFFECT — CHILD SAYS NOTHING
FOR 4 MINUTES, 33 SECONDS.
PREFERRED BY 9 OUT OF 10 CLASSROOM TEACHERS.

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